London is Blue Dispatch #069

FC Noah arrived at Stamford Bridge after slogging through four rounds of qualifying and ten hard games to taste sweet European football. Their most valuable player, according to Transfermarkt, is worth two weeks of Raheem Sterling’s wages. Over the course of the first 45 minutes, they started brightly, taking full advantage of what felt like a slightly insulting XI put out by Enzo Maresca – a midfield of Enzo Fernandez and Christopher Nkunku is one most wouldn’t play in the Carabao Cup.

Once the floodgates opened though, Noah’s ark looked like it would be swallowed whole by what it was trying to escape. Two identical set-pieces saw them concede two identical centerback headers – one to Tosin for his first Chelsea goal, the other to the under-fire Axel Disasi. Sandwiched in between was Marc Guiu pouncing on a mistake at the back, seconds after the opener, slotting to the keeper’s right and celebrating with a knee-slide of pure relief & ecstasy on opening his Blues account.

João Félix scored twice to leap to the top of the Conference League charts with four. The goal of the half though was reserved for what is increasingly becoming the stage for Mykhailo Mudryk’s greatest hits. After a sparkling performance against Panathinaikos in Athens, here he unleashed a venomous hit from outside the box that snaked into the corner, the sweet thump hanging in the air for a second before the Bridge erupted to declare their delight.

Just like the last game, the second half was played at a canter, with the Blues bringing on Dewsbury-Hall and Cesare Casadei for Marc Guiu and Enzo Fernandez, the latter registering a hattrick of assists in just 21 minutes, the second Chelsea player to do so this season after Cole Palmer’s three against Wolves. 20 minutes before the end, Felix, still searching for his hat-trick, collected Dewsbury-Hall’s lay-off, sold a deft flick to a Noah defender before laying it on a plate for Nkunku.

The Frenchman had endured a largely frustrating evening until that point, but after a dubious penalty call awarded for a foul on Dewsbury-Hall, he quickly doubled his tally to make it 8 for the evening and 8 for the season, before making way for Samuel Rak-Sakyi’s debut.

That is how it ended, thankfully, for Noah, who gave up an eye-watering 5.44 xG and nine big chances. It could easily have been a record-breaking defeat, but records did tumble nonetheless as the Blues notched 16 goals in just 3 Conference League games, twice as many as the team in second.

Quite frankly, there is little to analyse tactically in these games and nothing whatsoever to suggest how it may translate long term, but after just two wins in the last six, this was perhaps just the kind of buoyant evening the Bridge needed before a season-defining game against Arsenal on the horizon.